It is here, in particular, that the ridiculous and the cruel lie cheek to cheek. On the one hand, the penchant for ostentatious and famous actions and for warlike pomp can lead to the most gruesome consequences – to true butchery of nations; on the other hand, if appearance takes the place of terrible reality, then it easily turns into something comical and childish.
This latter aspect of the matter stands out with particular starkness in Caligula. The conditions of the times were not suited to conducting wars and winning warlike triumphs. The borders were calm; the Romans had refrained from a further expansion of the Empire. Caligula’s genuinely Caesarean, pathological craving to also shine in the military field was thus directed at staged maneuvers and theatrical make-believe. He did a lot of other things in the style of that triumphal procession across the Bay of Baiae; I shall single out only two especially telling examples.
Caligula suddenly decided to join the army along the Rhine. Everything had to be set in motion in a hurry (32). Having arrived at the army, he initially distinguished himself through a rather unusual disciplinary harshness also directed against officers (33); the hapless commanders who did not arrive quickly enough at the assembly field for this sudden mobilization were made to feel his wrath especially. At the same time, while he did not wish to be reminded of his own youth (34), he seemed intent on making the army younger; he decreed that many older centurions be discharged, on the grounds that they were too old or feeble. He took steps against others on account of financial abuses in the administration. While the sharp tightening of discipline may have impressed some as a special kind of boldness, it caused a good deal of discontent at the same time, as we learn from the accounts of Suetonius, and many measures must have struck unbiased observers as ridiculous posturing, especially when they saw what came next.
The emperor had a maneuver carried out across the Rhine. Germanic soldiers from his personal guard and the sons of princes who were present as hostages had to dress up as Germanic warriors and take up position not far from the Rhine; all this was reported by scouts while the emperor was sitting at his table. A glorious victory was then won over this “sham” enemy, who let themselves be taken captive; the dressed-up guard soldiers and the poor Germanic boys paraded as prisoners (35).
It was here already that this play-acted soldiering and campaigning degenerated into a farce laughed at by the whole world.
Almost more grotesque still was the campaign against Britannia, during which Caligula eventually had his soldiers collect sea-shells on the beach. This booty of the sea was supposed to be some kind of war trophy (36).
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(32) Suetonius 43.
(33) Suetonius 44.
(34) Dio Cassius 59.13.
(35) Suetonius 45. – On the triumph in Rome see Suetonius 47.
(36) Suetonius 47. Dio Cassius 59.25.
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